This is one of those things that drive me crazy about myself but I can't seem to change it. I admit it, I am a compulsive planner. Not to the point of planning everything down to the millisecond, but I am pretty bad. This can be a major problem if you are trying to live a "normal" life. It's one of the many things I am trying to fix, but I feel like I am fighting a losing battle.
For example, (and this is all fiction...)
Lets say, Aaron and I have a day off together, the conversation goes like this:
Night before:
Me- What do you want to do tomorrow?
Aaron- I don't know
Me- Ok. Well, we need to go to the store, and lets go to the library maybe get some lunch??
Aaron- That sounds fine. I made plans with a friend in the evening when he gets off of work.
Me- Ok. No problem, what time do you want to get going? Do you want to go to the store first or after lunch? what about the library?
Aaron- I don't care. You decide.
Me- Ok, well, lets get up early, leave around 10 go to the library, then the store, have lunch and then we can relax for a while until you go hang out with your friend in the evening.
Soooo... morning rolls around..
The alarms go off, and we don't manage to get out of the house until 11:30. My entire day is screwed. Now, we are already and hour and a half being. We should be heading to lunch now, not just leaving! The problem is, once the order is set, it has to be completed in that order. There is no changing plans. Then it takes me forever to get over being upset that our day is already 'ruined' because we slept in. The way it always works, and the sad part is I know this, by the time we finish everything, it's late. We get home, and it's time for him to leave. Then I get upset because we didn't get time to spend at home without trying to get errands done. With as little as we see each other, it always gets me.
It's not just plans with Aaron on his day off either. If I know someone is coming over, if anyone else shows up, it stresses me out. I have to mentally prepare for people to come over. I don't go with the flow so well with things like that. For example: Jane calls and makes plans for us to hang out on Tuesday. So, Tuesday rolls around, and I think everything is gravy, well on Jane's way over, she says that Jill is also coming over.
This starts the panic. I had plans for Jane and I, but now Jill too?? Crap. I have to hurry up and change how everything is going to go in my head. It already starts off wrong because of the extra person. I don't have any issues with Jill coming over when Jane does, I just hate not knowing in advance. It's socially crippling sometimes. It makes me hesitant to agree to hang out with people or go out because I can't handle unexpected things happening.
It doesn't even have to be people related. It can be as simple as thinking I only have to go to the electric company but realizing I also have to go to the bank and put gas in the car. It's pathetic. It's a condition I try to fight every day. I try not to make plans in my head on how my day is going to go, so if things don't go that way (for better or worse) it doesn't bug me. This is also why I hate surprise party's.
I'm going to wrap this up before anyone starts to bleed out of their ears from trying to follow my logic. If you made it all the way through this thanks for reading!
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